Every time I hear about an instant approval credit card, I can’t believe that such a thing exists. Most financial institutions move with the speed of a pregnant elephant—could credit card companies really do anything instantly?
It turns out that most “instant approval credit card” offers on the Web are actually instant decision credit cards, which means you might not be approved, but you can at least get a decision. Once you fill out their instant approval credit card application form, they claim they will give you a decision in 60 seconds or less.
There's a claim that's waiting to be challenged.
But could they really give me a decision in 60 seconds? This seemed like the old Domino’s “30 minutes or less” guarantee: I had to try it myself.
INSTANT APPROVAL TEST #1: BLUE FROM AMERICAN EXPRESS
As shown above, the Blue from American Express card promises you will “Get a decision in 60 seconds.” There’s no asterisk, no disclaimer. Just one promise: sixty seconds.
I’m like the guy who places his order with Domino’s Pizza, starts the timer immediately, then turns off all the lights in his house so the delivery guy can’t find him. American Express’s reputation was on the line, and I was going to put this claim to the test.
First, I filled out the form using a phony name (Horace Greenwaffle), a ridiculous address (123 Festering Blvd), and an outrageous occupation (self-employed drug dealer). My annual household income I set at $622—clearly, Mr. Greenwaffle was not a very successful drug dealer.
I pressed “Submit,” and started my timer. I didn’t need to wait 60 seconds — just twelve seconds later I got my decision: DENIED.
Apparently, they didn't like the fact that I only made $622 a year.
So far, the system worked as advertised. They had an option to chat with a live employee if I had any questions about my decision, so I opened a chat window and was connected with a woman named Jenay.
Jenay: Thank you for contacting American Express. My name is Jenay, how may I help you?
Horace Greenwaffle: Hi Jenay, how are you?
Jenay: I am doing well. Thank you.
Jenay: How are you?
Horace Greenwaffle: Well, I just ate a huge salami, and I've got the gas. Other than that, things are great.
I wasn’t expecting her to take such an interest in me, but once she asked, I had to share.
Horace Greenwaffle: Also, my toe is infected.
Jenay: How may I help you today?
Horace Greenwaffle: And I have a lesion on my arm.
Jenay: I am sorry to hear that. How may I assist you?
Horace Greenwaffle: There's also some problems with my scalp they're looking into.
You have been banned from using Click to Chat.
Wow! Apparently they were instantly impatient as well.
So my first experience wasn’t exactly an instant approval — more like an instant rejection. (Twice.)
I cleared the cookies on my computer, which allowed me back into the American Express site to file a second phony application. This time, I would make it harder for them to give an “instant decision.”
Please continue to Part 2: More Money on the Table!
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