Just how bad
is was the Kim Kardashian credit card? Well, we decided to prank call the Kardashians about the outrageous Kardashian credit card fees. Let’s see what happens…
Before we begin, please please please don’t choose a credit card based on the advice of a celebrity. Do your own search for the best credit card that meets YOUR needs. Use the free tool on this site to compare credit cards!
First some background: last fall, the Kardashian sisters—Kim, Kourtney and Khloe—released a debit card branded as their own. Teenagers and young adults who wanted to live the Kardashian lifestyle of fame, fashion, and fortune could buy a “Kardashian Kard,” although the only lifestyle they’d be supporting would be the Kardiashians’. That’s because the fees and hidden charges on this debit card were outrageous.
How outrageous were the fees? We’ll share with you: a $59.95 annual fee, a monthly fee of $9.95 and $1.50 to talk to customer service on the telephone. Oh, and if you wanted to pay your bills with the card, that would be $2 a transaction. ATM withdrawals cost $2.50.
So although those Kardashian girls are beautiful, their Kardashian card was downright ugly. We say WAS because the card was pulled from the market within one month of its launch, after Connecticut’s attorney general opened an investigation based on its “predatory fees.”
But had the Kardashians learned their lesson? I thought it was time to turn the tables by calling the Kardashian’s company, DASH DOLLS, Inc. to try and sell those koo-koo Kardashians an even more ridiculously loaded card. Here’s the konversation.
DASH DOLLS: Hello, thank you for calling Dash Dolls.
Me: Hey there, what’s happening?
DASH DOLLS: Erm, can I help you?
Me: You certainly can. I’d like to talk to Kim.
DASH DOLLS: Kim?
Me: Yeah, Kim Kardashian – you know – your boss?
DASH DOLLS: (Clearly has heard this one before) Kim doesn’t work here. This is just an administrative office. I don’t have her contact information.
Me: Ah, I bet you get that a lot. What’s your name?
DASH DOLLS: My name is Ryan.
Me: So Ryan, how are the girls doing?
DASH DOLLS: They’re good.
Me: What do they do all day? I still can’t figure out how they’re famous. Do they have jobs?
Ryan: (Clearly trying to come up with a response that is polite)
Me: (Before he tries) It doesn’t matter. Listen Ryan, I’m really interested in working with DASH DOLLS on an upcoming project.
Ryan: What kind of project? Maybe I can direct your call…
Me: Oh, it’s a great project. This is a killer opportunity, Ryan. A kredit kard with a $10,000 signup fee. $20 each time you use the kard. And $4.99 each time you even look at the card.
Ryan: We’re really not interested…
Me: It’s going to be beautiful to look at, though. That’s how we’ll make our money. We’ll have eye-tracking technology to monitor each time someone glances at it. And it will sound a powerful alarm to let you know you’ve just been charged. Like an old-school car horn: AAOOGAH!
I figured the problem was that I was talking with the receptionist. In order to sell my idea to DASH DOLLS, I needed to permeate the inner sanctum of their shadowy organization. So on my next call, I disguised my voice, pretended like I was important, and asked for someone who could make some freaking decisions!
DASH DOLLS: Hello, thank you for calling Dash Dolls.
Me: Good day, I would like to connect with someone from your business development personnel department.
DASH DOLLS: One moment.
DASH DOLLS: Business development, this is Vanessa.
Me: (Acting as if I’m an old friend) Vanessa, how have you been! It’s great to talk to you again.
Vanessa: I’m sorry, who is this?
Me: It’s me, Frank (indistinguishable). I met Khloe at her one year wedding anniversary party! She told me to call about…
Vanessa: (Cuts me off, obviously not impressed) What can I do for you?
Me: Well, I would like to talk some business development with you. I represent a powerful group of bankers, and we have got a killer idea!
Me: You see, we know these girls have got serious marketing power. They are all about having fun, having a good time. And these bankers I represent, the power elite, they want to create a product around the Kardashians that reflects that. Even though these bankers rarely have a good time themselves, on account of all their money.
Vanessa: Wait… I’m sorry, what was your name again?
Vanessa: OK, well Frank, let’s get to the point here. I understand enough about the Kardashians since they are my primary business – I mean, I’m working here. Let’s hear what you’ve got to offer.
Me: Right. So these bankers, they are incredibly wealthy. Very conservative Wall Street types, you know?
Vanessa: Who are these bankers?
Me: I can’t mention their names. They’d have me killed. But they want to create a credit card endorsed by the Kardashians. Very high end, very exclusive. $10,000 signup fee, 90% of which goes back to the girls.
Vanessa: A $10,000 signup fee.
Me: Right. And $20 each time you want to use the card. $5 each time you look at it, using proprietary eye-tracking technology. But the best part is it’s made out of satin.
Vanessa: I don’t have time for…
Me: Listen, Vanessa. We have found a company in Hong Kong that can make credit cards out of pure satin. They are silky smooth, like the Kardashians. We could charge a monthly service fee of $1,500 for the material alone. Now, the cards are a little bit floppy, but…
It may be over for my business development days at DASH DOLLS. But it is most certainly over for the Kardashians in the debit card industry: the girls are being sued by the company that issued the Kardashian Kard to the tune of $75 million for backing out of their deal … all because it was making the Kardashians look bad.
Perhaps they should have stuck with the Kard and made some money after all. At least they could have avoided a massive lawsuit. Because you know what else looks bad? Being famous for no reason at all.
Don’t let a celebrity tell you what credit card to use. Start your own search and compare credit cards right now!